Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
