Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize