you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
