:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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