i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize