if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
They have beer where we have blood.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
