I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
