i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
