id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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