No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
