I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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