We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
