I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
