Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
