My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
