I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
