Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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