So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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