dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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