Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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