a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
