he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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