Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize