Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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