Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
