I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize