tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
