Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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