i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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