Got a toothbrush?
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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