either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
