maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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