I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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