Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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