ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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