you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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