I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
where are you?
Hypothermia
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
