i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
