he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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