my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
