O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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