saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i barfeds in our rink
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
