I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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