She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
