someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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