I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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