Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
