Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
