I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
