you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize