cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
