I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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