Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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