ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
