So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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