Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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