well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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