South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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