we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
