his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
