i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
