I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize