Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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