The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm having to shit out rocks
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