I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
