You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
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