i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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