i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Your penis caused this!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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