I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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