Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
