i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
