i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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