you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You ruined the universe
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize