dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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