You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
