I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
